Few believers would disagree that the contemporary family is in crisis. Whether such a judgment rests on statistical evidence or anecdotal experience, whether one listens to the words of the Church’s magisterium or observes the actions of those who oppose it, it is almost impossible to resist the sense that families today are facing tribulations unlike any they have faced before. But what exactly are these tribulations – and what has caused them? In anticipation of the September Gathering of Croatian Catholic Families in Osijek and Aljmaš – which has adopted St Paul’s exhortation, »Be joyful in hope, patient in tribulation, faithful in prayer,« as its motto – we discussed these questions with Professor John Cuddeback, a philosopher who has devoted himself to the family and the household to a degree matched by few other thinkers. He shares the wisdom of St Thomas Aquinas not only with his students at Christendom College in Virginia, but also with numerous families for whom he leads courses and gatherings through his LifeCraft ministry.
How the Family Ceased to Live at Home
»The greatest tribulation of the contemporary family comes from the various forces pulling family members away from home,« our interviewee begins, adding that families often fail to recognize these forces as a threat even when they fully embrace the moral dimensions of the culture of life. »For example, accepting progressive industrialization out of economic necessity led to unforeseen, alienating consequences: both fathers and mothers today earn their living away from their children, while children receive their education away from their parents. If the basis of the traditional family was undermined in this way, it is no surprise that family leisure and entertainment followed suit. Having stopped working, learning, and leisuring in its own home, the contemporary family has stopped truly living there. We have not lost our families; we have lost our households,« Dr Cuddeback concludes, noting that even seemingly contrary trends such as »working from home« are, by their very nature, alien to the life of the household.
Turning Back the Clock Will Not Resolve the Crisis
The disintegration of the household cannot, however, be attributed solely to the separation of economic activity from the home, our interviewee cautions. »It alone cannot explain why we also lost multigenerational living along the way. Even this economic change was not merely economic: when fathers’ work left the home, much of their time, energy, and heart was displaced from it as well. Our intention to provide what is best for our families does not change the fact that we have come to think more in terms of financial success than in terms of a flourishing home. Aristotle already noticed that society produces the kind of people it honors, and we no longer honor people for what they do at home.« The solution, therefore, is not to turn back the clock. »Families cannot change this disordered structure by themselves, but they can learn to make the most of it. And the first step is to acknowledge that every activity that takes time away from home presents a challenge to the whole family. The crucial thing is not necessarily to change these circumstances radically, but to examine how family members can be more present, involved, and intentional within them.«
Children Who Enjoy Spending Time at Home Are a Sign of a Healthy Household
The Holy Spirit Cries Out with Young Families
The tribulations of the contemporary family are not without hope. Indeed, Dr Cuddeback believes that this hope reveals itself precisely amid tribulation. »For Saint Thomas Aquinas, the household is primarily a place of virtuous communal life; it is the natural context for enacting marriage and forming people to become what God designed them to be. When this natural context becomes eviscerated, ceasing to be a safe place of connection and belonging, it becomes much harder to enact virtuous marriage and parental relationships. Yet it is precisely this evisceration and this hardship that make more and morepeople recognize that they have lost something valuable; even more, that at some point they have given up an inheritance that is key to their existence. Many young families today are becoming aware that society needs something better. I would dare to say that the Holy Spirit cries out with them, inspiring them to rediscover God’s plan for the household. And that is the best reason for hope a family can have,« our interviewee maintains.
Rediscovering the Richness of the Ordinary
The thought of St Thomas has also had a decisive influence on the approach Dr Cuddeback employs in his work with families through the LifeCraft ministry. »Saint Thomas Aquinas expounded a principle of utmost importance: higher goods need to be cultivated. The whole realm of culture is ordered primarily toward forming people’s hearts so that they yearn for higher goods. And the appetites of the heart are formed precisely through tasting those higher goods. It is here that contemporary families face a kind of poverty: in most cases, they have rarely experienced a rich home life. Even if they yearn for something better, they barely know what it is they are missing,« our interviewee observes.
»At LifeCraft, we instruct people to begin intentionally cultivating small experiences of a rich family life: sitting together by candlelight or around a campfire, singing together or discussing a good story, growing their own food in their garden and preparing it in their kitchen. Rediscovering the ordinary richness God has designed us for does not just give us a sense of who we are; it also enriches all those who visit our homes. A good life crafted in our household necessarily overflows into the lives of those around us. That is why I believe the home is the beacon of the new evangelization.«
Antidotes to the Crisis of Generosity
This evangelization cannot succeed, however, without a renewal of generosity. »The marriage relationship is by its nature generous, unselfishly oriented toward other people, but also generative, open to life both in its creation and in its growth. Saint John Paul II taught that man and woman in marriage discover themselves primarily by giving themselves generously, and the household is the natural context in which this happens. But we have abandoned the very notion of the household – let alone the obligation to create it together.« Spouses today are generally focused on their own careers and achievements, while generosity towards children takes second place, Dr Cuddeback observes. »Contraception and abortion are just the most visible signs of this crisis, which is primarily a crisis of generosity. The paradox is that many have been convinced by society that this way of life is actually more generous than the way our ancestors lived. Marriage and family life still can be the primary antidote to selfishness, as was the case for most of human history, but only if we accept the necessity of changing our hearts through generosity.«
A Household Does Not Require the Ownership of Land
